Tantrums

What is regular?

Should a kid have a temper tantrum? Yes! It's normal and expected for kids to have temper tantrums as they grow up. They begin to happen around 18 months, and as we'll see later, they're actually pretty good for a child's growth.

Why do kids have them?

A child throws a tantrum when they are in a very strong mood that they can't handle.

There are many things that can cause a child to have a temper tantrum, but at its core, it means that the child is expressing a feeling that is "too big," unknown, uncontrollable, or overwhelming. This could be because of anger, frustration, a need to be more independent, a scary new experience, or something else.

They think that having a temper fit is the best way to say how they feel.

Some kids may also throw fits to be "seen" and get the attention they want.

It is important to remember that the reason for the temper tantrum is real and important to them, even if you think it is silly.

Kids do need to learn other safe ways to talk about their feelings as they get older, and they also need to learn how to handle strong emotions. It takes time for kids to learn these things, but the only way to really figure this out is for them to start throwing fits in the first place.

Why do you think it's important for you to help?

When a kid has a temper tantrum, it's your job to help them calm down and keep their feelings in check.

It's okay for the child to feel them, but it's not okay for them to be overwhelmed by them or act them out physically. For example, it's normal for a child to feel angry, but if they don't get help, that anger can be very scary and make them hide or act out.

Around age four, kids will have fewer temper tantrums. But this isn't always something they grow out of on their own. How we deal with this behavior in children is a big part of how they grow and change.

Not getting any help from adults will not help them deal with the bad feelings that caused the temper tantrums in the first place. Plus, they might not learn the skills they need to keep themselves in check.

If adults help them, the temper tantrums should finally get better, and the feelings will not be as strong.

A way to calm down a child who is throwing a fit

You should talk to them, but be very slow and simple.

Children may not always be able to process and understand what you are saying if you try to talk to them when they are angry or stressed. So, it might help to speak very slowly and quietly, and only use very simple words.

They might feel calmer after hearing your soft, slow, and gentle voice. This could help them control their feelings. It's sometimes enough to just be there as a quiet adult while the child "lets off steam" or has an emotional outburst. Tell them you're there for them and that they're not alone. Make them feel like their temper tantrum is not a big deal and that they can handle it. When a kid throws a fit, they should always know that they are in a safe place and that help is close by.

Hug them

A hug can make a child feel safe and calm. They might be scared by the way they're acting.

12, Talk about what happened that made them respond, but do it in a way that shows you know why they reacted the way they did.

Think about what the child may have done to make them angry or upset. What you know about what happened can help you explain to them what you think is going on for them in a way that makes them feel like you understand. For example,Such as, "I know it can be upsetting when someone takes away your toy."

If they are crying, tell them you'll wash their face with them.

Sometimes, putting cool water on their face will help them calm down and keep their feelings in check. Also, this will show the child that you care about them and are there for them.

Tell them to get some exercise.

Discover a way to get rid of the thoughts in your body. You could tell them to jump, stamp, or run to the end of the field and back.

Take their attention away

To get their attention, you could point to the sky and ask them to count the clouds, or you could point to something interesting in the classroom or talk about something you know they are interested in. Don't give them food, though, to make them feel better. It's possible for kids to do bad things again after being given something sweet to stop them.

Tell them to come to the "quiet space" in your setting.

If you have one, tell them you want to go to the "quiet space" with them to calm down and get their feelings under control.

Ask the child to name the feeling they are having.

You can help the child come up with words to describe how they might be feeling. Make them think about how it makes them feel or what it does to their body.

You could ask them to describe how they feel or where and how they feel it in their body. For example, you could ask, "Does it make your head feel funny or your heart race?" They can talk about them and figure out how they feel.

Tell them to "scrunch and release" or take a few deep breaths.

You could tell them to breathe while you take a few deep breaths yourself. That way, they can copy you. Tell them to scrunch up their face or hands and then let go. This is another way to help them relax.

Tell them to count to ten.

If you need help, ask for it.

We all need help sometimes, so don't be afraid to ask a coworker for help.

If you help kids in this way, they will quickly learn how to do it on their own and get closer to being able to control themselves.

So you can see that it's pretty important for kids to have temper tantrums so they can learn how to handle them. A child should also feel safe enough to talk about all of their feelings, learn about those feelings, and know that the people around them are listening. There are times when they need to hear how you feel in a way that they can understand.

Things to think about when parents or caregivers are having a hard time controlling their child's temper tantrums

As an adult helps a child deal with their feelings, they must first help the child understand what those feelings are and why they are happening. Also, they need to show them how to deal with their thoughts.

It's good for kids to be able to say what they want, even if it means having a temper tantrum. But that doesn't mean that this behavior isn't hard for parents and other adults who care for them. Adults may also feel a lot of different emotions during tantrums, so it's important for parents to be aware of how they feel.

A parent might feel bad or embarrassed when this happens, or they might feel stressed if they're with other parents.

This could make it hard for them to be interested in what the child is feeling during the temper tantrum.

This might be especially tough for parents who didn't have this kind of help when they were younger or who find these parts of being a parent hard. What makes it even harder is if they are already stressed or dealing with other fears and worries. For example, they might be having a hard time getting through the week, going to the store and making food, or not getting enough sleep. Or, their fears could be about money or a broken relationship.

Parents should know that the most important thing is to be interested in their child's mind so that they can start to help them understand how they're feeling.

Top tips for parents and caregivers on how to handle temper tantrums

Parents and other adults who care for the child should be interested in why the child is having a temper tantrum and what is going on with the child. But let them know that this might be hard if they're embarrassed, about to lose their anger, or stressed out. Remind them that staying calm is important because it's hard to understand what's going on when you're upset. To stay cool, you could do things like count to 10 or take a deep breath.

Help the child's parents and caretakers think about what might be going on and then act. As a reaction, the parent or carer might tell the child what they think is going on, give the child a hug, help the child get rid of the physical feelings (by dancing or running around), or find something else to do.

They may just need someone to talk to while they're "letting off steam," and they should know that you'll be there for them when they're ready. Sometimes this will happen in the same room or close by, and other times there will be more space between you to make sure they're safe and know they can reach you if they need to. To help even more, you could write a story or play a game.

Tell your parents and other adults who care for you that this doesn't mean they should change their rules. Parents should be interested in how their child is feeling, but that doesn't mean they should give in to the child's wants during a temper tantrum. In this case, they might be very angry that they can't buy sweets while shopping. It's helpful to name this anger, but it should be made clear that they're not going to buy sweets on this trip. The child would learn that throwing a fit is a way to get what they want if the candy is bought.

Parents and other adults who care for your child should know the difference between a "bribe" and a "distraction." To distract them, you could look to something else. To bribe them, you could offer them something if they stop. As an example, looking at the clouds and trying to count them would be a distraction, while giving them candy would be a bribe to keep quiet.

It's important to remember that we all need to ask for help from time to time. This could come from family or friends, or it could be a professional.

How the health problem has changed things

A lot of different things will happen to you and the kids in your care because of the current health problem. You might spend more time with your kids or be in small places now. It's possible that your schedule has changed a lot, and the kids may not have been able to play outside in the same way. Other people they might miss are the friends and family they were used to seeing, like at nursery or with their grandparents. As adults, all of this makes us less patient, and the kids will be confused and maybe even scared.

It's important to keep thinking about ways to stay calm when things are unsure. For each adult, this will look different, but it will include giving you time to try to figure out how you feel. As much of a routine as possible, age-appropriate explanations, and help understanding their feelings are what a child will need. For example, to show how hard it must be that they can't play at the park, make a small indoor "assault course" to burn off some energy.