Sharing

How normal is it?

Sharing is a very important "skill" for kids to learn. Making friends is a big part of being able to have good relationships with other people that are built on working together. But it's not always easy for babies and little kids, as anyone who spends time with them knows!

This part will talk about why it's so hard for kids to share when they are young and what we can do to help them build the skills they'll need to be good sharers in the future.

Don't have too high of hopes too soon

A big mistake we all make from time to time is having too high of standards for kids younger than three. Kids this age might sometimes follow directions about giving, or they might even do it on their own, but they don't have the mental maturity to understand why people do it.

They don't yet understand that sharing, which would mean giving up some of their own happiness, is a kind thing to do because they want someone else to enjoy what they have too. In the end, this is a pretty hard thought to grasp, and a kid this age can't handle it.

There are times when a child may seem happy to share, but they may really be driven by other wants or needs. It could be because they are afraid of getting in trouble or because they want to please the adult more than they want what they have. The child might do what they are told, but they won't really understand why. In other words, they're not really learning how to share.

As long as the child isn't really interested in the toy, this might be okay. But if the child really wants something, this becomes a problem. After a while, kids start to feel like they own things, so this makes sense. This is a big part of how they grow.

What about when your kids can share without any trouble?

What about kids who share like a champ? It's possible that they don't worry when things are taken from them because they feel safe and are more interested in talking to adults than in "things" The answer is sometimes, but sometimes they might be really mad inside and not showing it. If they aren't saying how they really feel, it could be a sign that they are starting to shut down their needs instead of being able to say what they really want and feel.

One example that isn't quite as clear is when the baby starts sharing on their own, like when they share some of their food with the person helping them eat or with another child. Surely this is sharing? Even though this shows how this skill is learned over time, it is done in a way that is more natural for a child than for an adult. The toddler is trying out different reactions and sharing their happiness at a time when it doesn't feel dangerous. If an adult steps in when a kid is not sharing and tries to take something when the child is claiming it, that's a whole different story.

Helpful hints 

Don't make little kids share.

They're not really being selfish when they hold on to something; it's more of a natural desire to show who they are. If you take things away from them to teach them how to share, it can be hard for them to understand. They may also feel like their right to explore and have more power over things is not being respected.

But, of course, some things will have to be taken away. In no circumstances should you leave them with something dangerous, even if you think they will learn something from getting it. But this is not the same as having a toy taken away and given to another child in front of them. At this point, they probably have no idea what's going on or why! You are more likely to see selfish behavior from them if you make them give up things before they are ready. They will probably want to hold on to things more because they are scared they might lose something important to them.

Tell kids that "taking turns" is better than "sharing."Sharing" isn't always a good word to use with kids younger than 3. While they are still young, kids can learn to wait their turn on the swings or with the toy cars in the yard. This helps them learn how to share and play with others. They will learn to wait and deal with their anger better if you encourage them to "take turns."

Teach kids not to grab things.

Another much better way to deal with this is to teach the younger child not to take something they want from another child instead of expecting the other child to share. This is because you will teach the kid how to handle their feelings. Kids under 2 years old need to learn this important skill. It helps them understand that there are times when they need to follow "boundaries." They will also learn what they can't take.

It is important for them to do this because it will help them understand the idea of giving better.

Help a child who has had something taken from them by another kid.

When another child takes something important from a child, it's important to support that child and tell them you understand how they feel. You can also help them "name" the feelings they are having. After that, you can help them find something else to play with.

When they share or wait their turn, praise them.

Kids do start to enjoy the good emotions they get from others when they share, which makes them want to do it more.

Bring attention to how good it is to be shared with!

Kids learn over time how nice it is when someone shares something with them.

Even though the lesson about taking is important, it's also important to remember that the other side of learning how to share is learning the joy of "being shared with."

Over time, they will slowly put all the pieces together, and they will also learn that sharing can be a great way to connect with other people.

For kids to learn how to share, show them

To help kids learn how to share, show them with your body what good sharing looks like. Teach them how to wait their turn, or let them grab things you're holding if they want to (as long as they're safe). This will help them follow their desire to learn and explore. Once more, this will help them feel what it's like to be shared with someone. When they're done being interested, they'll probably want to give it back. This will also teach them that they don't have to hold on to things all the time to enjoy them.

Help parents and caretakers understand how the skill of sharing grows.

When an adult tells their child to share, they should think about why they think this is important. Do they think their child treats them badly, or do they feel bad about how other people see their child's behavior? You might want to help them get in touch with their own thoughts. Instead of having unreasonable goals, it might be better for the child if they understand them and try to handle them. You can also help them understand what sorts of things are normal for a child that age and what kinds of things are not.

Advice to give to parents and caretakers.

Little kids younger than three shouldn't have to share. In their growth, they aren't ready yet.

Instead of "sharing," talk to kids about "taking turns." These people can understand this idea better.

Make sure to also tell kids not to snatch. You can help them do this by noticing and talking about how upset they might be that they can't have what they want and by giving them another toy to play with.

Show that you can share by doing it. Share with them and the people around you, and teach them how to control their urge to grab when they're interested in something.

Also, remember that getting the child to ask nicely is less important than getting them to share and connect with others. This is because it is hard for young children to learn how to ask nicely, and it will take time and practice.